I would like to start by saying I am writing this story on October 31, so, HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!! Halloween is my favorite holiday, even though I ain’t gonna do jack shit but sit on my ass. Anyways this is a story about all the times that I have lived in residential hotels. Prepare yourself for a journey into the unknown and the weird, well kinda.

Since I started on my own when I was sixteen I have lived in hotels, whether they be residential hotels or tourist hotels and motels. From the age of sixteen to twenty-one I made money for these hotels by selling weed up on Haight Street. Then in the middle of my 21st year I officially retired from Haight St. Often times me and a few other kidz from the Haight would all through in our money together and get a pretty nice hotel down on Lombard St.

Then when I was 19 after coming back from Phish tour on the east coast my now deceased best friend (Rest in Peace Shaggy) invited me to come live with him in a pretty run down cracked out piss in sink hotel (they’re called piss in sink because of their lack of toilets in the rooms, only sinks), on the corner of Larkin and Ellis. Of course I accepted because he is my best friend and it would only cost ten dollars a day. But that ended once I ended up in jail after living there for about three months.

After I got out of jail in the end of winter the next year Shaggy once again offered to move me in with him in another piss in sink hotel on the corner of 16th and Mission. Then I started heavily using heroin thanx to my lack of will power and that area of town’s infamous heroin trade. That lasted about 6 months, only paying 10 to 15 dollars a day.

After retiring from Haight St. I ran around the Church and Market part of town being a stupid tweaker. After doing that for about a month my other best friend Twitch (tweaker Twitch not punk rocker Twitch) invited me to come and kick it with him and his dad Mike in another piss in sink hotel in the middle of the T.L. Mike and I became good friends real fast and he let me start living there. A really close person to me was dying and I was very depressed. I didn’t leave that hotel room for 2 weeks, except 2 or 3 times to shower. We had Direct T.V. and a Playstation and internet access, so I was very entertained. Plus Mike was involved in not quite legal activity, and I became his secretary of sorts, answering the landline phone and taking messages when he wasn’t there. I didn’t have I.D. at the time so the only way to get into the hotel was climbing the gate to the fire escape to the building next to the hotel, get on the rooftop, drop down 10 or 12 feet to the roof of the hotel and wait for Mike to open the rooftop door. Talk about an adrenaline rush! After the two period of my hermit like behavior I was able to stay for about 3 more weeks. Then Mike got busted.

A lot of my friends are getting free hotels to live in through G.A. in the past year or so. Often times they would get ten over night visitors a month, so 4 or 5 times different friends have let me stay with them for those 8 nights. In return I would clean their room or get them high or sometimes nothing at all, they were just lonely and wanted a friend to kick it with.

Today I am living in a somewhat decent residential, piss in sink hotel (and yes I do piss in the sink) with my beautiful girlfriend. I am staying there rent-free for the time being. But I promised my girlfriend that once I found work I would take care of the rent for a few months. But every night she has to sneak me in. but let me tell you, this is the easiest hotel I have ever snuck into. It’s only a matter of waiting for her to come open a side gate.

Well that’s my story. Thank you so much for reading it. I rally hope you enjoyed it!