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Street Hustles
fucked up shit!!!
Fish Aug 30, 2007

This all started on a late Monday evening on. I was extremely tired because the night before my beautiful girlfriend and I were up for a better part of the night, doing what we do best together (‘nuff said) for the most part. So instead of getting a shelter reservation like I had originally planned to do I was okay with crashing on the street. Because staying in a shelter meant that I wouldn’t get to sleep until 10:30-11:00 at night and I was ready to go to sleep before the sun even went down. So I went to the Tenderloin Health Community Center, got a blanket (one of those gawd-forsaken “emergency blankets” whee! Lint in my mouth and all over my clothes) and started heading over towards where I was going to crash out for the night. I finally decided to sleep on the steps on the Polk St. side of the Bill Graham Civic Center Auditorium. I also grabbed some cardboard on the way to sleep on. The concrete ground can be colder than the night air so sleeping on cardboard will keep you pretty warm.

So, after setting up my makeshift mattress and getting nice and cozy under my blanket I pulled out my book that I was reading, Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris. Slowly but surely I began to drift off to sleep. Oh, by the way the sun still had yet to set. After being asleep for probably a few hours I was woken up by a middle aged man. He apparently thought I was someone else. He appeared to be under the influence of meth and he was drinking a beverage in a brown paper sack, probably working on a second buzz. After he realized I wasn’t who he thought I was he offered me a cigarette and I respectfully accepted because I was almost out of smokes. I then firmly informed him that I was going to save the cigarette for later and that I was going back to sleep. I was trying to make it obvious that I wasn’t interested in chit chatting. He kept on trying to strike up a conversation with me. I then firmly asked him to leave and he propositioned me to have sex with him for money. I jumped up threw off my blanket and told him, “ get the fuck out of here before I beat the shit out of you!!!” He finally took off.

I finally made it back to sleep after 15 or 20 minutes. A few hours later I was woken up suddenly and felt someone’s hands “below my waist” (to put it gently). I threw my blanket off of me and lo and behold it was Mr. Pervert from a few hours before trying to cop himself a free feel. I jumped up and started yelling at him. He started to plead with me to come with him and that he could go get some money. He pulled out some money and started waving it around. I walked right up to him and grabbed the money out of his hand and said, “ this is my money now, bitch.” It turned out to be a 10 dollar bill. I began to detach my chain from my wallet. I took out a semi large but plenty heavy padlock from my backpack and attached it to my chain. The whole time I’m letting this guy know he’s about to get hit with a smiley and I even explained to him what a smiley is while I was assembling it. (a smiley is a chain with a padlock at the end.) I give him one final warning as I’m walking up to him. Them POW!! I hit him with my weapon directly on the collarbone. I heard an audible snapping sound as I hit him, so I think and hope I broke something. He seemed pretty drunk and high on speed so I don’t think he felt anything until the next day.

I sat down on the steps and sparked up a smoke, trying to cool off, with my smiley still in my hand. 5-10 minutes later Mr. Pervert rolls up in a mini van still trying to get me to go with him. Some fucking nerve!!! I tell him he has about 3 seconds to leave before he loses a window. When he sees that I’m not joking he peeled out of there. I lay down and it takes me about an hour to fall back asleep. I wake up at about 6:00 a.m. Well at least I got 10 bucks in my pocket.


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